Morse code and REM cycles

..- .... --..-- / .... .. .-.-.-

The Fake Science Laboratories ask that you use please refrain from making jokes about log scales and lumberjacks.

Today’s Lesson

Hacking your REM cycle

By now, it’s common knowledge that waking up in the middle of your REM cycle can make you groggy, sluggish, and occasionally caught in a waking dream from which you’ll never emerged, enthralled to Morpheus’s dark power.

How can you make sure you never wake up from a dream?

• One of the big culprits of an unpleasant sleep is too much chocolate before bed. Have you thought about buying a chocolate IV to insert in a key vein just before you close your eyes?

• Some scientists believe sleep training can help with REM sleep. If you go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning, you will eventually lose the creativity, spontaneity, and “personality” that dreams thrive on. If your dreams are dead, you can’t wake up from one!

• If you emerge gradually from a deep sleep, you’ll never interrupt your REM. That’s why Rupert is going to live with you now. He watches you and starts blowing gently on your ear, chin, and nose about two hours before you wake up. Rupert doesn’t need much. Throw a few frozen dinners in the microwave before you go to bed. Don’t ask questions about the slime in the bathroom. Sleep, my child, sleep.

From the Lab

Thanks for reading. Please help us grow by sending this newsletter to a favorite pet.

Today’s Classic Lesson