The Fake Science Laboratories would like to clarify that even though time is relative, it doesn’t need to pass this slowly.

Today’s Lesson

Signs the planet is healing

If you’ve paid attention to the news, you may have heard: dolphins have taken over the canals of Venice, killing any humans who come into their path. Now they run every gondola in the city, and they’re gouging prices shamelessly. But dolphins aren’t the only animal takeover due to reduced human activity.

• In New York City, rats have set up shop on Wall Street and formed a new, more sustainable credit market based entirely on pizza crusts.

• The pigeons of Chicago, Illinois have gathered together to form one giant pigeon. They’re working alongside human bakers, with the goal of eating a piece of bread as large as the former Sears Tower.

• The giant Opera house in Sidney Australia has been taken back by native kangaroo populations, who insist that only rock operas be performed (They have written one about Crocodile Dundee entitled “This Is A Knife.” It features the music of Men at Work).

• In Paris, France, the Eiffel Tower has been completely hidden by the cigarette smoke of brown bears that have moved from the countryside to the city.

From the Lab

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