Cooped up and SpaceXodus

It's time to leave the planet for the more pleasant climate of space.

The Fake Science Laboratories have sent an astronaut one step closer to Mars, by using a ladder.

Today’s Lesson

SpaceXiting the Earth

Last Saturday, SpaceX celebrated a private flight to the International Space Station, marking a news event that could never, ever be eclipsed by anything else. We’ve collected some of the most notable highlights of the event.

  • Every SpaceX astronaut wore a new, fashionably designed spacesuit purchased from the really nice T.J. Maxx on Highway 43, not the crappy one by the old mall that’s now a community college.

  • Elon Musk celebrated the launch with a Tweet that revealed his future plans: “You know the X in SpaceX? Ever wonder what it stands for? Well, get ready to hear that cool NBC jingle a lot — the X is for Xylophone, baby!”

  • The SpaceX astronauts had a carefully planned speech for when they reached the ISS, meant to echo that of Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon, but there was some improvisation.

    “Guess what? This is not a small step, this is a giant leap. I can jump forever! I’m in space! I’m basically Michael Jordan. Have you seen that Michael Jordan documentary by the way? I had so much coffee this morning. Could I flap my arms as fast as a hummingbird? Would I be a humming man? What am I supposed to be doing now? Should I have some space coffee to balance this out? What’s the other guy’s name? Tom? I’m not an Astronot, I’m an AstroAM. Is Am the opposite of Not? I need to go to the bathroom now.”

From the Lab

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