Common mask misconceptions

Masks, unmasked, and then re-masked, because it's just right.

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Mask Misconceptions

Over the past few months, masks have become a cherished part of our lives, even more-so than the seven weeks surrounding Halloween, during which 80% of our employees wear rubber Spidermen masks until their faces chap.

But with the rise of masks have come some misconceptions, or, as our extremely lonely intern Donnie dubbed them, “maskconceptions.”

Donnie aside, we feel it’s worth dispelling some of the mask myths that have arisen.

  • Many trailblazing mask wearers have decided that wearing the mask over the mouth, but not the nose, is the best way to go. In fact, even the nose can cause contagions to spread, especially because we have an uncontrollable urge to lick your beautiful nostrils.

  • It’s common to see someone who takes their mask off to talk. This can actually spread contagions, if the person says, “Hey, can I wipe my eyeballs on your fingers?”

  • N95 masks still are the most effective option, but not when you just wear one over your right eye and say, “Argh, I’m Bob the Masky Pirate, give me your diseasey treasure.” Bob, you haven’t been right in months and it’s time to talk to somebody about it.

  • It’s just as important to educate about masks as it is to make them available for sale. That’s why we’re devoting $90,000 to our remake of the Will Smith tune “Welcome to Miami.” Our new song, “Welcome to Mask-ami” will feature hilarious lyrics and distract from the fact that we’re asking our employees to buy oversized shirts and pull them over their faces because we can’t afford masks anymore.

From the Lab

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