Cheese wheels and safer offices

A better future with rollier cheese.

The Fake Science Laboratories adopted some puppies, not for science, but for us. We need this, OK? Don’t make us send them to space.

Today’s Lesson

Making Offices Disease Free

These days, so many people are sitting at home thinking, “Gee, I wish I could get back within close proximity to people I don’t know very well and who have strange odors.”

Like so many of you, Fake Science is figuring out the right course to reopen our offices, because we’re concerned many of our employees working from home might be too happy. Here are some of the safety measures we’ve taken to make the office safe.

  • Instead of a water cooler conversations, we’re encouraging employees to float in plastic pools filled with bleach, twenty feet away from each other, while they discuss their fondest memories of the activity once called “sports.”

  • Open offices are particularly hazardous for disease transmission, but they also save money, so nothing will change there.

  • Studies have shown that air circulation can actually be a transmission vector, so we’ve removed all the air.

  • Finally, no more “Baby Bird Parties” (this may be specific to Fake Science Labs, but we developed a corporate culture in which bosses chew and spit food into the mouths of their employees, who then do the same for their interns. This is now temporarily banned).

From the Lab

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