Butter's reputation and internet speeds

Everything is moving slowly.

The Fake Science Laboratories encourage you to stop spring cleaning and try spring clinging (to everyone you hold dear, so they don’t leave you alone with all this cleaning).

Today’s Lesson

Slow internet speeds and you

If you’re like a lot of people these days, you’re desperate to follow up a long day of videoconferencing with a long night of videoconferencing. But sometimes, slow internet speeds can slow you down, making it incredibly hard to have awkward conversations with your closest friends.

Fortunately, the Fake Science Labs have an entire office where lab employees refresh the internet all day in the hopes of finding something interesting (nothing yet!). In the process, they’ve used scientific knowledge to come up with some tips.

  • Have you tried jiggling the thing next to the other object? Try that, then threaten your cable provider with an arsenic attack (arsenic is an element. Science!).

  • Try watching videos at a lower resolution so they’ll load faster. If the lower resolution bothers you, attempt gouging your eyes, slightly, so your vision is too bad to notice the problem.

  • The problem might not be your internet, but your router, especially since you unplugged it and filled it with rocks, water, and goldfish in an attempt to make a “wireless aquarium.”

  • The web may be slow because too many people in your household are connected. Eliminate them all, one by one, so slowly that nobody notices. First, the butler has to go. He’ll be found in the Conservatory, with a knife. Next, travel through the secret passage. Mrs. White is in the Billiards room, online shopping for candlesticks. You have the rope and know what to do with it.

From the Lab

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