Bear coverups and the baby Hitler dilemma

If you shake hands with your past self, you'll realize your past hands were really clammy.

The Fake Science Laboratories request another comet as soon as possible, just to lift our spirits.

Today’s Lesson

The Baby Hitler Dilemma

If you’ve ever studied time travel, you know that paradoxes can be introduced in the process. We’ve dedicated a crew of 100 to studying and finding these paradoxes, as well as a crack team of 50 public relations professionals to explain why we’re devoting our time to this instead of something important.

So far, our lab has identified some key paradoxes that might hinder any time travel journey.

• The Baby Hitler Dilemma (1/3): In this classic time travel quandary, you watch Hitler have a baby and wonder how he got his figure back so quickly.

• The Baby Hitler Dilemma (2/3): Seeking to go back in time and kill baby Hitler, you succeed in eliminating the dictator, but unfortunately normalize eating babies. Why did you have to eat him anyway? Anyway, Fried Infant Toes are now on the specials list at Applebee’s.

• The Baby Hitler Dilemma (3/3): In this version, Baby Hitler wrestles you to death and writes Mein Kampf when he’s 2. The prose is largely about kitties and doggies, but it starts World War II before World War I. This number reversal confuses historians and accountants so much that the world financial system is destroyed.

From the Lab

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Today’s Classic Lesson