Autumn, Autumn, Everywhere

The leaves are changing as quickly as your relationship with your downstairs neighbor, Robert. He contains multitudes.

The Fake Science Laboratories ask that you redirect your energy from pumpkin spice references to equally witty jokes about salamander reproduction.

Today’s Lesson

Scientifically solving the “fall” or “autumn” problem

For thousands of years, men, women, and pets have debated whether it’s “fall” or “autumn.” Initial attempts at compromise, like “Falltumn,” failed completely. And, if you think about it, both names are entirely too poetic for a weather change that should have scientific dignity.

For that reason, we’re suggesting one of the following names instead, along with a slogan.

• Pre-Winter: The Whithering Begins

• Pumpkin Fondling Season

• The Time When You Go Back to School Unless There Is No School Anymore Because Civilization Has Been Revealed To Be Just An Illusion That Can Be Shattered Within A Few Short Months, And Now You Will Only Learn Inside A Small Room While Staring At A Screen

• Apple Bobbing Time!: Submit To The Inevitable

From the Lab

Thanks for reading. Have you considered mixing our newsletter with some cider sticks and sharing it with an aunt?

Today’s Classic Lesson